The very next day after her announcement I paid a visit to 3 hotels in the city as well as a hall popularly used as a wedding venue.I also immediately prepared a check list of all the things that needed to be done and the possible invitees to determine a rough estimate of the number of pax involved. We decided to have the wedding at home mainly for family and relatives and a smaller one at a hotel.Once we decided on the hotel, we immediately made the booking.Next was to decide on the wedding planner as his services would also be required for the engagement. I consulted several wedding planners and decided to engage Flora Etcetera as their taste are similar to ours and they are easy to work with.
The immediate task at hand was then to decide on the details for the engagement. As the engagement was to be held at home, we decided on our usual caterer to cater food for the event and to provide tents and tables and chairs.For the hantaran (gifts) upon discussion with and agreement of the groom's family, the groom would be giving three gifts and we would reciprocate with five gifts. It is customary for the number of gifts to be odd numbers and the bride will give 2 more than what is given by the groom. On our side we decided to give a sireh junjung (betel nut vine set : it was the custom in the olden days to offer betel nut vine leaves for chewing when guest come to the house or over an important discussion),chocolates, cake( which we ordered from Mad About Cake ), wajik (a sweet dish made of glutinous rice) and agar-agar kering ( dried jelly). After much research ,we ordered our wajik and agar-agar kering from tinajuhantaran.blogspot.com who made and presented the wajik into a dozen mangosteens and the agar-agar kering was designed as a bunch of flowers. The gifts were presented on silver trays and decorated with fresh flowers by the wedding planner.
The groom decided to give a sireh junjung with an engagement ring, a tray of fruits and chocolates.
Other arrangements needed to be made - engagement attire ( we decided on a peach baju kurung - long tunic and ankle-length skirt),photographer ( Fad Manaf ) , make-up artist ( Liza ), invitation cards and invitees (we limit our guest to 200), sound system and wedding favours (chocolates in organza pouches).
The day before the engagement the tent people came to put up the tents and set up the tables and chairs, the wedding planner came to set and decorate the dais, the sound people came to set up the sound system and the florist came with the flowers for the dinner tables.Apart from that the furniture in the house had to be rearranged so that the sitting area was empty except for carpets on the floor as the whole proceeding was to be help with everyone sitting on the floor.Meanwhile family members were already arriving from our hometown,Penang.
The Engagement Day
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We all woke up early as there were still alot of things to be done. I had to ensure that the tables were set properly and the flowers and wedding favours placed on the tables.The make up artist came at 8.30am and started to make Darlina up. The photographer arrived half an hour later to record every moment of the big day.
At 11 am as agreed, the groom's party ( all 30 of them ) arrived. There were received at the gate by two of my sisters -in-law who sprinkled rose water and safaron rice on them as a welcome gesture. They were ushered into the house where the male members of my family were already sitted in two rows with the hantaran (gifts) trays in front of them. The men from the groom side sat opposite them and their hantaran were placed next to ours. The rest of the family members sat around them.
The ceremony began with my brother as the representative and spokesperson of the family, welcoming the groom's family and enquiring the purpose of the visit. Although everybody knew the reason and things had been pre-planned,it is good manners and customary to ask the intention. The representative and spokesperson of the groom then explained the purpose which was to "meminang" (ask for the hand of my daughter). Sometimes poems are used to convey the message but in our case we had earlier on decided that we would do away with poems as none of us could recite poems very well.The groom's spokesperson also informed that they had brought a ring and 3 other trays containing a sireh junjung , a chocolate cake and fruits. The ring was passed to my husband and me to view.Our spokesperson then accepted the proposal and presented our gifts comprising of 5 trays . Next "discussions" were held to fix the wedding dates. Once the details had been agreed and all pleasantries said,a prayer was recited by my cousin to seek blessing to the union.
When all these were happening the groom was not around. Although he had arrived just after his family members, he had to remain out of sight as it was not proper to have him around to listen to the discussions. My daughter also had to remain in her room upstairs. Only after the discussions were over the groom joined and sat together with the family. It was then that I brought Darlina down to have her sitted on the dais. Her future mother-in- law then placed the ring on her finger and feed her with some sugar. The sugar was to symbolise the acceptance of her into their family and to bless the engagement. She then kissed her future mother- in-law's hands as a show of respect.Other female family members followed suit to give her sugar starting with the groom's family and followed by my family. I was the last to feed her the sugar,being the host.
Next came the photography sessions with members of family from both sides.
With the conclusion of the ceremony it was time for lunch which comprised of chicken briyani (rice cooked together with chicken), beef in black sauce, spicy fried chicken, dory fillet and salad. For dessert we had sago gula melaka (boiled palm beads eaten with palm sugar and coconut milk) and various local cakes and sweets.
The whole function finished at 3 pm and then only I found time to have my lunch and some rest. Preparing to be a mother in law is certainly tiring but I must say it's well worth it !
